Jersey Shore, "Meatball Mashup": dance 'til your underwear drops

Quick Take: Jersey Shore, "Meatball Mashup"
"Do you know what a kuka is?" - Deena

Snooki and Deena

Review: Jersey Shore, "Meatball Mashup"
(S0407) After a dull episode where the ratio of drama to humor was dismal, "Meatball Mashup" thankfully saw the gang back to drunken giggles rather than scream sobbing. The stars of this week's trainwreck were Deena and Snooks, or Team Meatball, as they prefer to be called. While we have seen these two go pretty buckwild in the past, last night featured a level of drunkedness not seen since... okay, last season, but still. These ladies were out of control. You know it's a problem when you're too much for even MVP and Ron-Ron.

The episode begins innocently enough. Snooki, JWoww, and Ronnie settle in for another day of work at the pizza shop, though Snooki is still a little mad at her pals for daring to show concern over her potentially toxic relationship. The awkwardness is quickly diffused, however, by the promise of a weekend trip to the beach town of Riccione. Even the other pizza shop employees are excited for the gang, but this excitement turns back to irritation when JWoww and Snooki decide to take an extended shopping break. Like dutiful employees do.

Snooki makes her 50th call to Jionni. He's still pissy, and threatens to not visit. Snooks gives up and focuses on packing. Good thing, too, because these girls have a lot of clothing to pack for two days. This leads Pauly, Vinny, and Ronnie to grip about how women (and Mike) be packing crazy heavy, as they try their darndest not to crush the Fiats with all that luggage weight. The drive to Riccione goes off without a hitch, surprisingly, and once they settle into their swanky hotel, the girls and guys split up to explore. Only thing is, that word has two very different meanings. For the guys, it means spot Mike's doppelganger and saunter along the boardwalk. For the girls (or at least Deena and Snooki), it means pony up to a beach bar and get schwasty. Team Meatball rapidly loses their shit, laughing maniacally and getting into discussions of female anatomy with the bartender. JWoww and Sammi are sick of babysitting their darling drunk children, so they ditch them and head home. But the party doesn't stop for Snooki and Deena. They find a place to dance, and proceed to tear the floor up. And by "tear the floor up," I mean writhe on said floor, lose their bikini bottoms, and run into bushes. After about an hour of this, the boys, who had tracked the girls down to tell them about dinner plans, have had enough and peace out.

The rest of the house heads to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. (Because you know a place is fancy when they have wine barrels on display, and Pauly wears a button down.) Predictably, Snooki and Deena are still too intent on dancing to remember dinner time. The gang waits as long as they can before ordering food. Only after they've all finished does Team Meatball stumble in, ready for some nourishment before the club. JWoww is so over it, but she gets even more over it when they actually arrive at the club and Deena's vagina makes its Italian debut. And boy, is it one helluva debut. Not content to merely flash a crotch shot as they exit the cab, Deena spreads her legs and grinds her ladyparts up against a pane of glass. JWoww and Sammi start yelling at Deena to be more discreet, because this is a family show goddammit, but Deena instead scampers off with Snooki to make out. A lot. It doesn't go further than a seemingly five hour game of tonsil hockey, and eventually Team Meatball collapses into an snoozing semi-clothed mess of hairspray and tanner.

The next day, the gang returns to Florence, and Snooki calls Jionni to confess her hook-up. He does not, as the boys predict, dump Snooki, but rather accepts it awkwardly. Snooki flashes a big thumbs up to her roommates, who are all lounging with bated breath. But the good news for Snooki ends there. The next day she has to work, and guys, she really doesn't like working. She's not lying. After a failed attempt to hide in the recycling bin, she and Deena finish their shift and head to the gym. In the midst of complaining about Italy's terrible drivers, Snooki hits a cop car. A stretcher is brought out for someone in the car, the boys are told to bring Snooki's license to the crash site, Snooki takes a breathalyzer test, Snooki cries, and, finally, when the boys fail to show up on time thanks to traffic, Snooki and Deena are put in the back of a cop car.

See MTV: that's how it's done. You confine the drama to small bursts, preferrably at the end, and just let these drunk idiots handle the rest of the episode. True, "Meatball Mashup" didn't have the same hilarity as, say, Snooki's infamous "Where's the beach?" outburst (which prompted her first run-in with the police), but it was definitely back on the right track. Plus, we saw Deena at her most ridiculous since her pants-dropping first night on Jersey Shore. And no Ron and Sammi bullshit. Really, what more can you ask for?

More thoughts on "Meatball Mashup":

  • "Did you pack underwears?" - JWoww, in a moment of foreshadowing
  • "WHAT THE FIAT?!" - Ronnie
  • "How many guidos does it take to put luggage on the car?" - JWoww
  • "I have to Jersey Turnpike on the Firenze Turnpike!" - Deena
  • "I feel like it's like an island. Or maybe it's like on the border of a continent. You know what I mean, so it's like by ocean." - Snooki, on the beach town Riccione
  • In this week's moment of Sammi being a wet blanket, Miss Sweetheart suspiciously sniffed her one shot at the bar before downing it. Or throwing it over her shoulder -- it's unconfirmed. Though in her defense, I'd be wary of something that aggressively blue, too.
  • "I had no idea Italy had like a Caribbean island!" - Deena
  • "I hope you get laid tonight!" - Snooki, signing off to the bar staff and patrons
  • "Snooki and Deena are the meatballs, and they're not making it to the sauce." - Mike
  • "Yo, I've never danced my underwear off in my life. She goes hard, I give her credit." -Pauly D (Sidenote, Pauly: Few people have, in fact, accomplished this stunning feat.)
  • "All I see in the reflection of this glass is straight vagine, straight vagina." - Sammi
  • "Does that turn you on?" -Vinny "No!" - Pauly D, on Snooki and Deena's makeout session
  • "I don't even make out this long with Ron." - Sammi, also on Snooki and Deena's makeout session
  • "If you get swacked, you get swagger jacked." - Pauly D
  • "I'm going to put it on the record right nowo that I am not a swacker." - Ronnie
  • "I wish I had the Men in Black zapper to undo the whole night." - JWoww
  • Somewhere in Jersey, the Shore Store's Danny Merk is cursing the heavens over the sight of Mike actually working on his first day back at the pizza shop.
  • Fun fact: Pauly D apparently owns, and proudly wears, Burberry pajama pants.
  • "It smells like hot sweat and regret in here." - Vinny, revealing the show's new tagline
  • By Kristin Hunt

    About the author

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    3 Comments
    On: Friday, September 16, 2011
    Eric - TV Geek Army "Revered Leader" said:

    Yeah, these were drunken antics even by Jersey Shore standards. 

    Interestingly, as much as these guys hit the club, you don't see Situation, Vinny, Pauly D, and JWoww get totally housed all that often. Or maybe I'm crazy? Ron and Sammi seem to love to get drunk and hate/rage/hulk out on each other, and obviously Team Meatball seems to be taking it to a new level (even if they require a lot less alcohol to get there due to their rather diminutive stature). 

    On: Sunday, September 18, 2011
    Kelly said:

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Im-gonna-shit-on-you-harder-than-you-ever-shit-on-me/253360748036326 My favourite Sammi line! =)

    On: Wednesday, April 18, 2012
    taz said:

    This was the hottest thing I've ever seen on TV!!!!

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