Quick Take: Jersey Shore, "Where Is My Boyfriend?"
"Wow. On the surface, Jionni seemed like a nice kid. But at the end of the day, that kid was a f***ing wankster." -Mike
Review: Jersey Shore, "Where Is My Boyfriend?"
(S0408) Much like The Jerry Springer Show or Maury, Jersey Shore is a minefield for schaudefreude. Yeah, maybe you were laid off this week, but at least you're not face down in the middle of a disgusting Seaside Heights club without a clue where your crew is. And if the show is a minefield for schaudefreude, its biggest reserve comes from the relationships. JWoww and Roger may be pretty normal, but take one look at Ron and Sammi or, lately, Snooki and Jionni, and your fight over the forgotten anniversary is downright laughable. Snooks and her latest beau had been fighting a lot in the preceding episodes, but "Where Is My Boyfriend?" was a horrifying lesson in just how messed up the gang's "romances" can get.
The episode kicks off by resolving Snooki's brush with the police. Basically, once the boys show up at the station and the MTV producers pay off the cops they fill out some forms with Deena and Snooki, the girls are home free. Except Snooki can't drive in Italy anymore and there's some vague talk about "fines." Whatever, Snooks doesn't have time to worry about legal drama because oh my gawd, Jionni is coming! She learns, however, that Roger is having difficulty getting time off. JWoww calls him immediately and it turns out Roger is indeed a no show. JWoww is upset, though since this is JWoww and not Snooki, it's an appropriate level of distress. Still, Deena decides to take her out to get her mind off Roger. Snooki stays in to "calm [her] nerves," but promises to "see you skanks later." The boys decide to have a boys night out and depart for a separate club.
While Snooki is talking to Jionni (this girl should be seriously thankful she's not the one with the phone bill), the doorbell starts ringing incessantly. Turns out it's none other than Mike's desperate groupie, Brittany. Rather than tell her to go away, Snooki takes this opportunity to exact some revenge on Mike. She'll have Brittany waiting in Mike's bed when he gets home, so it screws up his chances with the chick he brings back tonight and stalker girl. Snooki even has Brittany tell the confession cam why she's here as Snooki drinks in the background, makes cuckoo signs by the girl's head ("I was just playing with your hair! It's so pretty!") and suppresses laughter over Brittany's comment that Mike's "different." It's pretty hysterical, and proves that devious Snooki is possibly the best Snooki there is.
But it turns out Snooki didn't realize just how desperate this girl is. The prank begins as expected: Mike and his Australian girl are, along with half the house, stunned by Brittany's surprise appearance. Yet rather than get mad over Mike's new female friend, Brittany takes her lack of self-respect to dizzying new heights and removes her shirt in front of everyone before curling back up in Mike's bed. He dismisses the new girl, because he already has "a bun in the oven" and there's "no need to warm another one up." Oh, Mike. That's a really unfortunate expression to mix up.
The next day, Snooki frantically prepares for Jionni's arrival by trying on every outfit in her wardrobe, which is, as we all know, the only acceptable way for a woman to behave prior to her boyfriend's arrival. When he finally gets there, she immediately marches him to the smush room before the gang heads out to the club. In the middle of all this, Mike invents some beef between Jionni and himself, because he will not let his attention-grabbing plotline with Snooki die, and practices some really terrible "karate."
Jionni and Snooki are super mushy and in love, but once they move to a different club, all hell breaks loose. Drunk meatball takes over, and pulls a Deena by flashing her vagine to the entire club. Jionni is pissed and storms out. Snooki then turns into a shrieking, sobbing mess once again as she chases him down the street. JWoww tries to calm her down, to no avail. Ronnie tracks Jionni down and continues to dispense surprisingly sane advice -- that Jionni actually, you know, talk to his girlfriend about why he's mad -- but the boy continues his solo walk of angst. Tragically for the audience, it is only an angry walk, not an angry dance.
After leaving Snooki with Deena and Sammi, JWoww tries her hand at catching the elusive Jionni, walking and shouting for what seems like miles. He still ignores her, so she returns to the house, where everyone (minus Snooki, who's moping in bed) waits with charred hot dogs and burgers prepared by Chef Ronnie. (Smooth move, Ferguson.) Jionni eventually returns, and drunk, hysterial Snooks tries to reason with him. But Jionni quickly packs up his bag and calls a taxi.
Moral of the story? Underwear prevents a lot of catastrophes. Ladies, please stock up.
More thoughts on "Where's My Boyfriend?":
Yeah, it is *really* saying something when Snooki's relationship woes make us forget about Ron and Sam for a bit. And it was truly amusing and bizarre to watch a chastened Sam go through something like a moment of clarity on camera with regard to how much fallout comes from the years of drama with Ron.
And likewise when Ron becomes something of the go to guy for sage advice... things have gotten truly weird up at the Venitian Shore.