Jersey Shore, "Back to the Shore": gorilla juicehead guido heaven

Quick Take: Jersey Shore, “Back to the Shore”
“I can smell the fake tans and the hair gel already.” – Ron

jersey shore

Review: Jersey Shore, “Back to the Shore”
(S0214) As the opening credits to the return of Jersey Shore rolled tonight (in which LMFAO’s “Do Something Crazy” continues to rip up the musical backdrop), I was struck by the fact that when I first began watching – only somewhere a little bit north of a year ago now – this was a “little” show, an MTV reality show factory-driven escapade about a group of wacky Italian Americans at a Jersey beach house.

Now, as the kids return to Seaside Heights, New Jersey, the cast has ascended to reality show royalty. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is reported to be making $5 million this year, Pauly D is developing his own reality show based on his career as a DJ, and Snooki is showing up everywhere (and occasionally getting arrested at that). How would a third season of Jersey Shore antics play on camera, I wondered? Would we see these new television gods burdened by the anchor-like weight of their celebrity?

Well, our prayers (or nightmares, depending one’s point of view) were answered immediately as we see Snooki prepping for the return journey in her home town of Poughkeepsie, New York (not one of the original cast actually hail from Jersey, ironically) by liberally spray tanning her chest, low cut top, and beneath her low cut top before muttering, “I feel like a hooker.”

As Mad Men’s Roger Sterling remarks to his 4pm glass of bourbon: “Ah, that’s where you’ve been.” In other words, all is well in the House of Jersey Shore. The gang is back, and it’s time to get crazy stupid, my friends.

The big casting change this time around is that Snooki is bringing her friend Deena to the shore, and is quickly described as, “She’s like another Snooki.” Angelina’s tumultuous tenure, which included walkouts from the show two seasons in a row, is now in the history books (to be discussed and argued over by reality show historians forever more). And indeed, as soon as we meet Deena, she talks about her love of clubbing and “guy shopping.”

Ronnie and Sammi are still together. “Things are pretty good right now,” Ron says, but undoubtedly even he knows that “right now” is an ephemeral term. They arrive at the house first and snag the choice upstairs room that happens to include three beds. You have to love Sammi dreading Jenni’s arrival at the house with mutterings of, “Is whorebag here yet?” Yes, she sure does own that “Sweetheart” nickname most deliciously. When Jenni sees her, she simply sighs in disgust. Jenni (AKA JWoww )meanwhile is looking forward to getting away from longtime boyfriend Tom for the summer, who she describes as being part of her “Long Island problem.”  

As Deena and Snooki arrive at the house, Deena confides, “Don’t tell anyone I’m drunk. I’m just gonna walk in like I’m a good time.” Ronnie quickly assesses the new small “s” situation by saying, “Snooki walks in with this gremlin-lookalike and she says she’s the new roommate.”

The Situation arrives last and therefore gets stuck with the third bed in Ronnie and Sammi’s room. He’s visibly pissed to not be reunited with his MVP (Mike Vinnie Pauly) brethren, and stuck in dysfunctional couple hell to boot. Meanwhile, Sammi treats Deena with visible disdain from the jump, and everyone agrees that the female equation in the house will be “three against one” (Jenni, Snooki, and Deena hating on Sammi as much as she hates on them).

The perfect moment comes as everyone enjoys a toast at the kitchen table to kick off the summer, with only Sammi sitting way off to the side like an embittered Italian grandmother who can’t believe the audacity of the family who has deeply and brutally disappointed her. Then cut to Sammi and Ron sitting miserably in their room as the rest of the gang plays drinking game Flip the Cup outside. “They’re dead,” Jenni remarks, and there is a joyful glint in her eyes. And meanwhile, a triangle of intrigue broils in the hot tub with Vinnie and Deena obviously wanting to get it on and Snooki getting very pouty about it indeed.

In further shenanigans, Deena seemingly throws herself at The Situation and “accidentally” gets naked while trying to find her Blast in a Glass Hat. The Situation ponders “getting situated” on Day One but quickly decides to press the “eject button.” Later, Deena heads to The Situation’s bed to “snuggle” but is shut down fairly quickly. When Sammi laughs at her (fairly rudely and derisively), the situation (small “s”) really explodes.

As is a long honored Jersey Shore tradition, the episode ends on a fisticuffs-related cliffhanger. As Deena drunkenly rails against Sammi’s abuse (which likely stems from her failure to hook up with any of the guys in the house on the first night… much like Snooki circa Season One), Sammi does her typical shtick of winding up Ronnie, who eventually goes off cuckoo clock-style and gets all up in Deena’s face.  That brings Snooki into the scenario, who eventually unloads on Sammi, saying, “You are the biggest f—king bitch I’ve met in my entire life.” And finally as the credits roll, Jenni and Sammi look to start going at it for real, reigniting the feud that raged through much of Season Two.

In other words, strap yourselves in everyone as the Jersey Shore drama trip has just begun.  

More thoughts on the Return of Jersey Shore:

  • “I should not be wearing hooker boots.” – Snooki, as she stumbles down a short set of steps
  • “Pauly, you’ll love him. You’ll probably end up having sex with him.” Snooki to Deena
  • “When Ron gets drunk, he’s single.” – Snooki
  • “I can smell the fake tans and the hair gel already.” – Ron
  • “You never heard of a shower caddie, dog?” – Vinnie
  •  “This is like gorilla juicehead guido heaven.” – Snooki, breaking down her personal nirvana in Seaside Heights
  • “Have I done anything wrong, being in this house?” – Deena. “You’ve been here for like five hours.” – Vinnie 
  • By Eric - TV Geek Army "Revered Leader"

    About the author

    Eric is the publisher and revered leader of TV Geek Army… at least in his own mind. TV Geek Army is a place for serious TV reviews and news for serious fans of great television. Contact: eric-[at]-tvgeekarmy.com 

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    1 Comment
    On: Sunday, January 16, 2011
    darci said:

     

    Sooo glad to have our friends from the Shore back!! Haha. I think Deena may be trying to give Snooki a run for most blogged-about female character on the show.

    Also, loved that song ”Bambi” by Tokyo Police Club, which they played right before she went off to look for her hat and ended up showing The Situation more than everyone expected…it’s got such a mischievous sound to it, it was perfect haha. oh fyi you can watch that whole epic scene at http://vimeo.com/18860183
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