Jersey Shore, "Going to Italia": taxi arrivato!

Quick Take: Jersey Shore, "Going to Italia"
"You know, Italy's like that big country. No, no! Europe is that big country." - Snooki

j shore

Review: Jersey Shore, "Going to Italia"
(S0401) We got the first taste of Jersey Shore’s long-awaited excursion to Florence last night and, despite the mangled Italian phrases and marble statues, it felt just like old times.

There were house hook-ups (Mike and Snooki! Pauly D and Deena!), copious amounts of alcohol (warm limoncello shots!), wild nights out (discotheques!), and even Ron-Sammi tension (that sound you just heard was me slamming my head against a wall). So snap on your Snooki shades and gather ‘round, all you guidos and guidettes.  It’s t-shirt (recap) time.

The first shot of the new season showed Snooki getting her passport photo taken. For the occasion, she wore cheetah print thigh-high boots, because Snooki is nothing if not classy. Elsewhere, Pauly and Vinny were busy learning key Italian phrases, such as “Cabs are here!” and “No grenades, please.” 

This pre-departure segment gave us a few important relationship statuses. Snooki has been dating Jionni and JWoww is still with Roger. Both ladies seem intent on keeping their boyfriends, which should be easy since they don’t anticipate any gorillas in Florence. (Their words, not mine.) Ronnie and Sammi have stayed apart, while MVP are DTF as always.

Because this is MTV, there had to be some kind of “challenge,” so they made it a grossly unfair, gendered one this time. The boys and girls got separate flights, and then had to race to the house for the first pick of the rooms. I use the term “grossly unfair” to describe this set-up because, though each team had a layover, the girls were stranded in Milan while the boys arrived in Florence. Way to even the playing field, producers.

Naturally, the boys made it to the new house first. And man, is this place swanky. Classical décor, spacious rooftop, even an indoor Jacuzzi for Mike to defile. The girls finally filter in a few minutes later, dismayed to find the boys have beaten them. Sammi also comments that Ronnie “looks good.” (Ew.)

After JWoww assures her roommates that her boobs will not shrink and Ronnie breaks a delicate end table, the group heads out for some midnight sightseeing. When they return approximately sixty seconds later, Deena and Mike have a weird discussion about Snooki. Apparently Mike thought she was single and, when informed that she isn’t, says her relationship won’t last. (In case this weren’t creepy enough, Mike had also discussed Snooki’s weight with his barber in the pre-flight segment.) Deena and Sammi tell Snooki.  Everyone agrees it’s bizarre before they retire to bed.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. The next day, Mike confesses to Ronnie that he and Snooki hooked up in Jersey while she still had her boyfriend, and claims Snooki said there “was something there.” (More importantly, he says this was the “third or fourth time.” Um. What?) Ronnie strongly advises against it, but, alas, his efforts are all for naught as Mike tries to kiss Snooki in a club mere minutes later. Snooks is not into this, and the entire group is stunned.

Sounds like the credits shot, right? But wait, there’s more! Deena, who had told the camera earlier that she’d love to be “friends with benefits” with Pauly, goes for the gold and grotesquely makes out with him.

Since we only saw the gang’s first day and a half in Italy, we’ve yet to see many embarrassing culture clashes, other than some outlet issues and Mike struggling to ask Italian girls if they’d like to smush. This season also seems set for a lot of house incest, which includes Ronnie and Sammi. Can I hark back to Ronnie’s friend, who said, “If you go out with Sam, I’m gonna kick you in your f***ing nuts when you get home, I swear to God”?

So say we all, sir. So say we all.

Finally, as the season preview showed, Snooki is due for her second run-in with the po-po soon. So let’s all hope JWoww saved her “Free Snooki” shirt.

More thoughts on “Italy Gets Smushed”:

  • "Fresh start in Italy. No more being a bitch." - Ronnie
  • Vinny’s family offered this sage advice on spotting women of age abroad: “Lift their arms. If they got hair, they’re good to go.”
  • The premiere featured not one, but two King Kong references. Pauly drops the first one, saying that King Kong could live in their new home. But as the girls haul their luggage up the stairs, Snooki remarks, “I smell like King Kong’s asshole.” I know these people have a limited store of cultural references and really like gorillas, but ease up on the ape lines, guys.
  • JWoww discovers that the only working outlet is in the kitchen. Meaning, as she puts it, four girls with weaves will be straightening their hair by the fridge. Gross.
  • Vinny is the “ambassador” of the guys since he’s the only one who speaks a lick of Italian. This is just a hunch, but I imagine Mike is not going to be okay with sharing all his women with an interpreter.
  • "Italy has no idea." - JWoww
  • By Kristin Hunt

    About the author

    More From Kristin Hunt

    "Because you don't turn the other cheek, you slice it." - Brian Moser
    Read More
    "Dexter, if you don't let that darkness go, it won't let go of you." - Brother Sam
    Read More
    The stars of Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy's creepy FX series field questions about their paranormal experiences, the show's wide appeal, and, yes, the Rubber Man.
    Read More
    1 Comment
    On: Friday, August 5, 2011
    Eric - TV Geek Army "Revered Leader" said:

    Hilarious, smashing (smooshing?), on point review Kristin, love it !

    I'm a huge huge fan of Jersey Shore, find it to be one of the biggist laugh-out-loud shows on television. And I insist that most/many people who hate on the J Shore have not taken the time out to watch more than a few minutes. 

    Name:

    Email (Will not be used):

    Comment:

    characters left
     

    Featured Articles

    Popular Today

     
     

    Recent Comments

    "Mysterion Rises" with The Cute Lord Cthulhu - South Park review
    Actually, the birthing of Kenny in "Cartman Joins NAMBLA" doesn't necessarily conflict with the circumstances of Kenny's reincarnation...
    Alien Encounters, "The Message": a hard to find little show that's worth the search
    Mind Reading Technologies and Tongues Governments from around the world have been using mind reading technologies that can read...
    Dog The Bounty Hunter, "And Baby Makes Three": revisiting an old favorite
    i do like your show i wish can be your fan club i want all of your show on dvd please
    Boardwalk Empire, "Two Boats and a Lifeguard": daddy issues
    Are you looking for a partner for the relationship or for fun? Then you came to the right place. We are providing you the best dating...
    The Boonies: National Geographic's off the grid reality exploit
    I can verify Bear Claw. Good man. I cant vouch for the other participants. It is to bad society does suck so bad that this type...
    The Boonies: National Geographic's off the grid reality exploit
    Lake Michigan is not an ocean. Has anyone seen my white dog? Lost him while hiking in Arkansas
    The Boonies: National Geographic's off the grid reality exploit
    I too also as well live on the island, I can attest that Dan lives in the ocean as he has for hundreds of decades. We locals call...
    Parks and Recreation: why is everyone so mean to Jerry?
    It's funny because its so not funny.
    The Boonies: National Geographic's off the grid reality exploit
    I too live on the island and ISLANDER does not know what they are talking about. Dan lives out in the middle of the island with...
    The Boonies: National Geographic's off the grid reality exploit
    this is not real i know that goat and it is not "doc's" its my neighbors goat. and by the way i live on the very top of that mountain...