Jersey Shore, "Like More Than a Friend": ill romantic

Quick Take: Jersey Shore, "Like More Than a Friend"
"It looks like Beauty and the Beast or some shit. I feel like people are just gonna start singing out their windows." - Vinny

mike and snooki

Review: Jersey Shore, "Like More Than a Friend"
(S0402) Ah, to be young and in love. Enjoying candlelit dinners. Holding hands as you stroll the streets. Writing the occasional misguided poem. Or, in Jersey Shore's case, pretending to be asleep when she wants to smush, stumbling and crying in a club and awkwardly groping her knee during a smoke break.

Love was certainly in the air in the second episode of the new season. Maybe the old world romance of Florence has gotten to the gang, because all three of the house pairs from the season premiere nabbed significant screen time. (Though none of them boasted the tenderness of Vinny and Ronnie, who enjoyed a nice Jacuzzi soak together.) When we last saw the crew, Mike had unsuccessfully tried to kiss Snooki, while Deena and Pauly D were in the midst of licking each other's faces. "Like More Than a Friend" opens at the scene of the crimes, which is naturally an obnoxious club. Deena is lobbying hard for a smush, but Pauly, being the gentleman that he is, worries that she'll cry if they sleep together and then proceeds to bang every other girl in Florence. Snooki and JWoww share this concern -- rightfully so, since Pauly hits on two girls seconds after he and Deena come up for air. But Deena insists that she doesn't care. The group talks it out in the cab on the way home. The whole group. Meaning Snooki says she doesn't want Deena and Pauly to turn into her and Vinny in front of Vinny while Deena says she and Pauly aren't like that in front of Pauly. Clearly, the concept of oversharing is as lost on them as basic algebra.

The smush does not happen, since Deena is too stumbling drunk to handle a Pinocchio puppet and Pauly feigns slumber when she tries to wake him up later. The next day, however, he is wide awake and excited to get groceries for Sunday dinner. In a move that puzzles everyone, Sammi suggests that she and Deena cook dinner. Because she is a good cook, dammit. A good cook who can't identify garlic and can barely wield a knife.

Deena and Sammi take a break with JWoww to go eat out. Like real chefs do. This makes the hungry boys antsy, so they start preparing dinner themselves. The girls are miffed when they return, but assist as best they can and prepare a classic family dinner. Also, Snooki was asleep this entire time.

Speaking of Snooki, she gets in a fight with Jionni, who cusses her out for going a whole day without calling. (Can someone say clingy bitch?) Mike is on the scene in five seconds flat, doing his best creep. He doles out his world-famous relationship advice, all the while resting his hand on Snooki's knees. It's pretty uncomfortable. Yet in an unexpected development, Snooki gets super jealous when Mike later brings home a blond American chick named Brittany. They have a heart-to-heart after Brittany has been sent home, during which Mike reveals that he sees Snooki as "like more than a friend." She does not feel the same way, showing once again the timelessness of Biz Markie.

But what's vastly more upsetting is the drama with Ronnie and Sammi. It all starts when Single Ronnie comes out in full force on the second club night. He's macking on ladies, stealing shots from his boys -- the works. Sammi starts putting on her usual "Why is Ronnie doing this to me?" face and a brief spat erupts, which Vinny thankfully breaks up. The house kindly asks her for the 500th time to get her shit together the next morning, but club night number three proves to be killer. Sammi gets drunk and starts begging Ronnie to talk to her. He won't, and Deena pulls her away. Yet back at the house, she tells him she still loves him and misses him. He rebuffs her, offering a series-high quote to the camera before the credits roll: "I know the way she feels and like I kinda have feelings for her, too -- I do still love her -- but like I just go back to Jersey and I'm just like f*** me in the ass with a spiked bat, I'd rather not do that."

Unfortunately, as we all know, Ronnie has spouted similar (albeit less colorful) sentiments in the past. Which is why I have a feeling he'll be eyeing that spiked bat again soon enough.

 

More Thoughts on "Like More Than a Friend":

  • JWoww: I'll try not to piss in public...again.
  • Vinny: Nice windbreaker, bro.
  • Deena: God, everything's in another language.
  • The gang's new blow-off job is at a pizzeria, run by a man named Marco. Why anyone thought these people were capable of making authentic Italian pizza, when scooping ice cream has proved a challenge, the world will never know.
  • JWoww: When I'm 80 years old, I'm making pizza in my kitchen, and I'm teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, "Oh, where'd you make pizza?" [I'll say] "Bitch, I made it in Florence. That's where I made pizza, so shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza."
  • When Mike confesses his true feelings for Snooki, it felt a lot like when Joey all of a sudden loved Rachel on Friends. It makes no real sense, was sure to be fleeting and was likely scripted by some enterprising young writer for TV ratings.
  • Ronnie tells the group that they are staring at the Vatican, painted by Michelangelo. Obviously he is right on all accounts.
  • Vinny and Pauly create their own version of Liz Lemon's "Dealbreakers." It's called "She's Too Young for You, Man." Some samples? "If she still has coloring books, she's too young for you, man"; "If she got a basket on her bicycle, she's too young for you, man"; "If she only owns Snow White on DVD, she's too young for you, man."
  • JWoww takes offense, however, when the pair suggest that laser tag is "too young." Way to be, JWoww. Somewhere, Barney Stinson just shed a tear of pride.
  • Mike and Brittany engage in some sex act called a "blowpop." Is it too early to start up a fund for her psychiatric treatments?
  • By Kristin Hunt

    About the author

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