Toddlers & Tiaras, "Halloween Bash": scary for reals

Quick Take: Toddlers & Tiaras, “Halloween Bash”
“A little bit of pain to win a little bit of better title? She’ll take that all day long.” – Jamie, on her daughter Chloe

toddlers & tiaras

Review: Toddlers & Tiaras, “Halloween Bash”
(S0304) Is Toddlers & Tiaras exploitative? Is it revealing and educational about a sub-culture where parents exploit their children, or try to live through them, or sexualize them at a frighteningly young age, or simply try to “provide opportunities” for them with good intention, or some combination of the above? Or is it merely a schlocky reality show that should be hidden away in some vast and dusty warehouse akin to the one at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark?

By the end “Halloween Bash,” the first episode of Toddlers & Tiaras that I’ve watched, one thing that I did know is that I was asking a lot of questions. And therefore, dear TVGA readers, I feel compelled to pass them along to you and yours.

Here ye, here ye, there’s a Halloween-themed beauty pageant going down in Oklahoma City – appropriately titled as the Oklahoma City Halloween Bash – and we’re following three very young girls and their ambitious managers, er, mothers as they prepare and later perform.

We get a feel for what we’re in for when Jamie, mother of nine-year old Chloe, mentions that her daughter has failed to win a pageant only twice, and has raked in “a little over” $20,000 thus far. Soon after, mother Ca’Trina shows six-year old Saryniti the empty cabinet where all of her trophies are “going to go.” The big empty shelf at the top of course is reserved for all of the big trophies. “I’ve always wanted a daughter, to do pageants,” Ca’Trina adds.

Here’s a fun little clip of young Chloe getting her eyebrows waxed ahead of the big competition. Did I say fun? I meant cringe-y.

After further rounds of spray tanning and other primping and forced beautifying so as to make sure the once child-like looking children now resemble disturbingly sexualized robot-doll child units, it’s time for the Halloween “bash.”

Now, since it’s Halloween time, let’s play a little round of What’s More Frightening? The fact that the competition kicks off with an 11-week old baby being carried out onto the runway, or the fact that everyone seems totally cool with an 11-week old baby being part of a beauty pageant.

I lost track of who won and who didn’t, though I did perk up for a second when Chloe’s mom got all greedy-eyed when Chloe beat out her arch disturbingly sexualized robot-doll child unit, er, rival.

I’m as big a fan of train wreck reality television as there is (see: Jersey Shore, Millionaire Matchmaker, etc. coverage) but this one is a little too wreck-y for even my tastes.

Good luck, children. For reals.

More thoughts on “Halloween Bash”:

  • “We’re bringing together the best of the best at Halloween Bash Pageant.” – Todd James , Emcee of the Oklahoma City Halloween Bash
  • “A little bit of pain to win a little bit of better title? She’ll take that all day long.” – Jamie, on her daughter Chloe
  • “I’m not going to be a jack-o-lantern for Halloween because jack-o-lanterns are fat.” – Chloe  
  • Headline winner comes by way of Jezebel: “Jesus Does Not Give A Crap About Your Daughter’s Glitzy Pageant” 
  • By Eric - TV Geek Army "Revered Leader"

    About the author

    Eric is the publisher and revered leader of TV Geek Army… at least in his own mind. TV Geek Army is a place for serious TV reviews and news for serious fans of great television. Contact: eric-[at]-tvgeekarmy.com 

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